John Walters

October is here and 14 unbeaten teams remain in the Top 25 (and a few outside the Top 25). How are things going to shake out in the coming 31 days? Luckily for you, I have seen the future. Have looked into a crystal ball — or was that the Sears Trophy? — and am now eager to share my vision with you.

Behold, a day-by-day breakdown of this exciting month in college football:

Wednesday, the 1^st — Inspired by the success of Penn State's "White Out" and other such "outs" at various stadiums across the country, UCLA’s zealous marketing staff places ads for the Bruins’ upcoming contest with woeful Washington State that invite fans to be part of a "Blow Out."

Thursday, the 2^nd — ESPN airs the vice-presidential debate between Joe Biden (D) and Sarah Palin (R) Your moderator: Erin Andrews.

Friday, the 3^rd — Brigham Young extends the nation’s longest winning streak to 15 games in a Friday evening walkover at Utah State.

Saturday, the 4^th — USC exacts revenge on the Beaver State with a 49-17 defeat of Oregon at the Coliseum in prime time on ABC. In the opening half, the Trojans knock out the Ducks’ preseason fourth-string and fifth-string passers, Jeremiah Masoli and Darron Thomas. Oregon sideline reporter Holly Rowe informs us that the Ducks will go with Matt Saracen in the second half, while her counterpart on the Trojan sideline, Erin Andrews, reports that USC backup QB Mitch Mustain is "willing to switch schools right here, right now."

Sunday, the 5^th — Still trailing Joe Paterno by one on the all-time wins list with a bye week approaching, Florida State coach Bobby Bowden hastily schedules a game with similarly idle Washington for the coming Saturday. ESPN agrees to televise the game and dispatches Erin Andrews to Tallahassee.

Monday, the 6^th — After having beaten Rice in a shoot-out (no, fans were not told to bring guns) two days earlier, Tulsa now stands 5-0, with the nation’s highest scoring offense and its leader in passing efficiency, David Johnson. Still, the Golden Hurricane continues to be ignored as a potential BCS buster while dyslexics just read the school name and giggle.

Tuesday, the 7^th — In a hastily called press conference, Congress unveils its fiscal bailout plan. House majority leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) announces that the $700 billion that had been earmarked for a bailout has been wagered on Michigan State, a slight favorite at Northwestern.

Wednesday, the 8^th — In a pre-taped interview for tomorrow evening’s nationally televised game between Clemson and Wake Forest, Tigers head coach Tommy Bowden admits, "Honestly, I don't know which one is 'Thunder' and which one is 'Lightning'."

Thursday, the 9^th — World markets plummet at the news that Michigan State running back Javon Ringer has sprained his ankle and will miss Saturday’s game at Northwestern.

Friday, the 10^th — Louisville quarterback Hunter Cantwell tosses seven picks in a loss at Memphis. ESPN draft guru Mel Kiper, Jr., interviewed after the game, defiantly insists that Cantwell’s value has never been greater because of his ability to find so many different receivers.

Saturday, the 11^th — The SEC race only gets murkier as Florida takes down unbeaten LSU in The Swamp ... Oklahoma becomes the second No. 1 to fall on the road to a team clad in orange (okay, burnt orange) jerseys this season as Texas upends the Sooners in Dallas ... Penn State rolls at Wisconsin, as JoePa picks up win No. 379 ... Notre Dame-North Carolina becomes a battle of the "Dueling Tates" as Irish wide receiver Golden Tate and Tar Heel wide out Ben Tate trade touchdown catches ... Oregon loses yet another quarterback and petitions the NCAA to give former Duck passer Joey Harrington a fifth season ... Ringer plays, the Spartans cover, and the republic is saved.

Sunday, the 12^th — The Pac-10 coordinator of officials issues a public apology for an erroneous flag that disallowed what should have been a Wildcats touchdown in yesterday’s Arizona-Stanford game. Public outcry is muted when it becomes apparent that nobody watched the Arizona-Stanford game.

Monday, the 13^th — Austin resident and cycling overlord Lance Armstrong announces that he is re-retiring, at least temporarily, because "the Longhorns need me and McConaughey is hosting a pig roast at his place this Friday night before the Missouri game."

Tuesday, the 14^th — Facing anemic ticket sales for their upcoming home game versus Stanford, UCLA's marketing department invites former students who never graduated to "come out to the Rose Bowl and be a part of our first-ever 'Drop Out'."

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