Here are two living legends, each with larger-than-life-sized statues of themselves on campus. Paterno's can be found right outside of Beaver Stadium, while the 9-foot tall bronze rendering of Bowden is located outside the Moore Athletic Center. But as each continues to refuse to go quietly into that good night, they hold their programs hostage. Bowden and Paterno, each of whom have given their universities so much (in Paterno's case, literally millions of dollars in philanthropic gifts), are now withdrawing from those deposits of munificence, and liberally.

They are not acting in the best interests of the programs, but themselves. Bowden has a successor, Jimbo Fisher, in place but no timetable as to his exodus. Paterno last month learned that his contract would not be extended when it expires following the 2008 season, but he has expressed no desire to leave. Paterno has no agent and says that he could happily continue coaching with a handshake deal.

Paterno, his integrity never impugned, has of late become more brittle. Answering reporters' questions following a fundraiser in King of Prussia, Pa., last weekend, the khaki king became annoyed at the litany of queries regarding off-field behavior.

"I'm sick and tired of talking about this, that and the other thing, to be very frank with you," Paterno said. "We got a tough schedule, a good football team, and we're going to have a lot of fun and you guys all should be excited!"

Then, pounding his fist on the table as if he were Patton, he bellowed, "Right?"

Bowden is no less in denial. Recently he told reporters, sounding like a handicapper just waiting for that longshot to come in, "I really think we need one more good solid recruiting year, we'll be right back in it -- back where we ought to be."

Where Bobby and Joe ought to be is somewhere else, anywhere else, affording us the chance to miss them. Bowden, ever the affable coach, spoke in Orlando recently and when the name of his counterpart was mentioned, joked, "Lord, he's getting old."

They both are. But people are not urging them to retire simply because of their age, or because we loathe having to repeatedly recall the proper spellings of septuagenarian and octogenarian. Nor are their records particularly loathsome: The Nittany Lions are 29-9 in the past three seasons with three consecutive bowl victories; the Seminoles, though just 7-6 each of the past two years, have participated in a bowl following every season since 1981.

Rather, it is because there is an overwhelming amount of evidence that their players, by virtue of their behavior, no longer respect them. And while it may be said that some of those players whose illicit behavior is chronic respect no one, then why do Bowden and Paterno continue to recruit with such little regard to character?

Bobby? Joe? Are you so obsessed with being the one who dies with the most victories that you're willing to compromise your respective programs, not to mention the images of your schools, in order to do so? Or are you just behaving like stubborn old men, obstinately refusing to face the sunset no matter the expense?

Speaking to a reporter last month, Paterno posed a rhetorical question of his own. "You don't think I'd put this many years into this thing," he said, "and you know, want to screw it up?"

It's no longer a question of "want to" Coach. Those Coke-bottle glasses you wear do not come with a prescription for myopia. Bobby? Joe? Your careers are beginning to resemble far too closely that '06 Orange Bowl: Extended way too long beyond when it should have ended and replete, at the end, with mishaps and blunders.

Bobby? Joe? It's past your bedtime.

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