When the boss is a bully: How to cope

Eve Tahmincioglu • Profile • E-mail

Sarah Thurston was so excited at the prospect of getting her dream job as marketing manager for a Pennsylvania theater company that she didn’t pay attention to the warning signs about her new boss.

When she interviewed with her future boss she noticed that her demeanor was a bit terse but brushed that off as an interviewer just being tough on an interviewee. And Thurston failed to inquire why the person who had the position before left after only six months on the job.

It took about a week before it all became clear. Her boss was a yeller and a bully.

“If I came to her with any question, she’d yell, ‘Why are you wasting my time? Why are you asking me this?’” Thurston recalls. And a draft of a press release she wrote that had two minor errors ended up getting thrown on her desk by the snippy boss who yelled loudly in the small office where everyone could hear: “What is this?!”

On average, the boss yelled about twice a week. Thurston’s colleagues tried to reassure her that everyone in the office got the same crummy treatment, but the constant berating was getting to her. She couldn’t sleep, and she’d cry when she got home following particularly severe outbursts.

After about a month, she confronted her boss about the yelling, and was met with surprise from her supervisor, who offered apologies and promised she’d stop the practice. Alas, that only created more tension. Her boss would start to yell, stop herself and then say, sarcastically: “I’m sorry — was that not sweet enough for you?”

There are many workers in the same boat who have had to deal with a short-fused manager, leaving them to wonder what they ever did to deserve this. A survey of more than 60,000 people conducted by MSNBC.com and Elle magazine found that 16 percent had bosses they considered bullies, 18 percent said their bosses were rude, 17 percent had managers that were short tempered, and about 7 percent said their bosses yelled frequently.

So why, in this supposedly civil day and age, are some men and women in power still channeling Julius Caesar in the workplace?

“Most bosses are still into the Industrial Age mind-set of control,” explains Stephen R. Covey, the author of the best-seller “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” Even though, he adds, our economy has moved into the information knowledge age that requires managers to “unleash the talent” of their employees and allow them more control, some bosses just can’t hand over any power and continue to micromanage. This causes managers to stress out, he says, and they take it out on everyone else.

“Management means control. Leadership means release,” and good managers know it, Covey stresses.

If you’re one of the unfortunates whose boss hasn’t come to terms with the new paradigm, there are things you can do besides stabbing the dictator, Caesar’s fate.

Turn the leadership tables on your boss, says Covey. “Take the initiative and think through what ... his problems are. What are his concerns? What is he trying to accomplish? Then, when emotions are not high present him with an empowerment model.”

Basically, offer your boss a detailed plan of action where you could pick up certain assignments or functions that will make his or her life easier. You should frame it in a way that you’ll both be looking at how it succeeds. If it does he or she will develop confidence in you and your abilities, Covey says. “As his confidence in you comes up, the bullying will become much less,” he says.

It might be tough to take that first step and approach your boss, but Covey says you need to take the initiative and have courage. “It’s not about the absence of fear but the awareness something else is more important.”

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